just to update.......

blah blah bloody blah .... really bored now

want to rant........

can't believe i am now 30 weeks pregnant... only 10 weeks to go woo hoo.

how i feel right now......

well lots of people are bugging the hell out of me .. don't really know what they have done but they are getting on my nerves.... and i feel like i just want to be left alone and not annoyed.

still wish things were different with a certain person but after all this time i think i have come to realise that things will never change and you will always think you are better then me for some reason... strange isn't it?

i am happy that blake is off school for two weeks its nice just to chill with him and we have some good plans for the next two weeks. mostly just me and him spending time together. 

feeling really pregnant now can't bend over anymore feels like i have something stuck under my ribs ...lol.

still peed off over recent events and the way you think of me?

and i am sick to death of people telling me what we should call OUR baby ..... its our baby and he will have a name that we will choose when he is born. and stop calling him a name already because he has not got one...aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

..........................

and before any of you start saying what's the matter with ruth is she down ..... why is she pissed off..... i am perfectly happy and well and couldn't ask for anything more at the moment just feel like a little rant to let off stem.... 

what i see and feel is amazing

as i laid looking at you a wave of excitement,love,protection and pride came over me

you are so perfect in every way.

as your little fingers moved i now know what you are doing when i feel little scratches in my belly.

your face is just like your big brothers lovely rounded cheeks and a perfect little grin and a cheeky one at that.

how can someone so small be so perfect?

i looked at you in a way that i will never forget, sitting with my two other boys watching you move your little body i know you are going to be that added bit of  sparkle in our life.

i am counting down the days until i see you and can't wait for you too meet your brother.

he loves you so much.  you are everything to him and he is so protective of you and you are not even here yet.

i want to wrap you up in my arms forever and never let go. my perfect little boy who is going to be as perfect as his brother. what a family what a life. 

you have completed us.

The clock ticks life away

"In The End"

(It starts with)
One thing / I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Didn’t look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on / but didn’t even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
One thing / I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I’m surprised it got so (far)
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
In the end
You kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

these lyrics tell a story and how i relate to this is so true..... 

time is a valuable thing....

Today me and floyd had a look in the loft for baby stuff just too see what we have and what we have got to get.

 looking at some of the clothes that blake wore and it brought it all back to me... he is actually six now and he was once a baby lol.  and looking at photo's of him when he was having his first ever feed i can't actually believe it is blake..... 

And getting some lovely clothes from next ( thanks mum) really brought it home we really have got another baby on the way and in 12 weeks he will be here. 

i think my scan tomorrow will really make it real..... to know what he is doing in there is going to be the most amazing thing. ooooow i feel happy

and i am so happy that westham one today and i was so right about freddy sears... i said put him on give him a go what have you got to lose..... and look he comes on and scores to win the game. i think i should be manager lol.

next week i have got to go in my studio and sort bits out that i don't use and give them too the school for the year one projects they will be doing.. and i am helping them do them. making houses in fairy tale stories should be fun... can't wait to get covered in glitter he he.

Well for the last two days i have had such a bad headache its been driving me mad.. been in bed most of the time.  watched some poop telly and i must say i hate that stupid woolite adverts ahhhhhh sort the voice overs out and make it actually look like the fabric is ripping....

and if you have a problem with me or what i have done please tell me i can't read your mind and things don't just go away because you ignore them.

i made a mistake i am sorry but aparently there is friction between us....??? if there is then just bloody tell me can't be bothered to be playing guessing games.

sunday was one of  the funniest days i have had in a long time first of all the boys one 9-1 to win the league then we had such a laugh down the pub. karaoke .... russell & stevie singing barbie girl.... elmo's new name "helmet" , blake and russell singing teletubbies (well russell singing it and blake dancing)  and then blake singing ' the scum song'. some things merv said were just classics. andy actually talking lol and getting really pissed and telling me he once peed in his mum's new computer tower.lol what a fun day we all had.

so  have my 4d scan on sunday and i can't wait i am so nosey i can't wait to see what he is doing in there... nearly 28 weeks i can't believe it ......eeeeeeeeee