the wonderfull world of a cupcake princess

update... a big one

2010-01-17T09:38:00.000-08:00

i can't believe i am 26 weeks pregnant already its gone so quick. she is such a mover i love it. this pregnancy has been so different from the last. not just being bigger this time and having sickness. i just can't stop drinking juice, my back has been so bad that some evenings i can't even walk without looking like a old lady.
and my pelvis feels like its been kicked 300 times a day.
but i am not complaining because in 14 weeks i will have a lovely little girl and i can't wait.
the house is moving on nicely i actually got to look upstairs for the first time in ages yesterday and it now really looks like a house all the woodwork for the walls is up so i can now see the room sizes and get an idea where things are going to go.
pleased we are using the room that was going to be a garage as a playroom/ utility room and now we still have a office/crafty room. think the playroom will make so much difference.
we have had our kitchen designed and can't wait to have a normal kitchen... very excited about the house and sometimes feel like pinching my self can't believe we are doing it.

on Tuesday my little hunk was 8 i can't believe it he is growing up so quick. i am so proud of him.

we had a fab Christmas apart from a few things which were pafetic and hopefully now i can move on and not fill the way i did anymore. just happy that i got a back bone for once on a issue that was well over due to be said. well enough on that moving on.
but the boys had a lovely time and got some lovely gifts.
have decided that this years Christmas will just be us 5 in our lovely new house. we will see the people that want too see us but i just want a nice quiet one this time. babies first Christmas and the first in our new house. yay. what a year 2010 is going to be...

sonny is just fab he makes me laugh so much he is amazing. he doesn't stop and he keeps me on my toes but i love it. he has a wicked personality and i would not change him for anything.
Blake and sonny have such a great relationship watching them makes me so proud.

very happy at the mo. have no complaints

wow what a few months

2009-12-02T04:26:00.000-08:00

will be 20 weeks pregnant on Friday and i can't wait to meet our new member of the family. i have had a different pregnancy this time with morning sickness and my sense of smell has gone up, my bump seems massive this time and its really sticky outy.. but i am now at that nice time in pregnancy and feel full of life.
we have our scan on Tuesday so i am really looking forward to seeing our baby again.
the house is getting there soon to have windows and doors so i am very happy with that.

there have been a few ups and downs lately but i know i should not let them get to me but they do things change and sometimes you have to learn to let go and see what path life takes you down, and i truly believe that one day things might get back to how they were but for now i just have to accept that things are the way they are. from one month to the next i don't know where i stand and i now i don't know what to say and i don't think i can bring myself to start talking about it because i don't think it will change. all i want is for people to be happy for me and my family and to accept that i am moving on and i am happy and i am not always going to be that person that people pertained me to be. i am very proud of what we have done and how we went from days where we didn't even have enough money for a pint of milk to turning our life around and getting somewhere in life. and nobody is going to bring me down for feeling happy about my life.....enough said

Blake is really settled in his new school. He is top of the class in maths and moving up in his reading really quickly i am very proud of him. his football is going well and he still loves it.

sonny is amazing he is in too everything but so funny and clever and gives the best cuddles. i can't believe he is 17 months its flown by. poor little monkey had chicken pox a few weeks back but he is doing fine now just a few scabs left.

well my fingers are dead so i am going to carry this on tomorrow

have not blogged it for a while

2009-06-02T10:40:00.000-07:00

Well i can't believe my little man is one this month the time and just gone so quick.

i have so much going on in my life at the moment , driving, selling my house and building a house. Sonny's 1st birthday, Blake changing schools.

first off i just want to be driving now and after a few set back's once again its now the end of the month. but my little boy being really unwell was my first concern.

my bungalow is now on right move an i do fill sad its been my home for 5 years and we have spent so much time and money making it our own. i love this place but its just a stepping stone ...

well everything with the build is going really well. we own the land and are now ready to build we have brought a caravan. and it won't be long and we will be living in maylandsea.

its going to be hard work but so worth it... when me and hunky family are sitting on our decking looking at our lovely big garden and the boats and lovely blue sky i will look back and know its all been worth it.

it's all coming together yay

beautiful lyrics... elbow puncture repair

2009-04-30T09:37:00.000-07:00

I leaned on you today
I regularly hurt but never say
I nearly wore the window through
Where was air sea rescue?
The cavalry with tea and sympathy
You were there
Puncture repair

I leaned on you today
I regularly hurt but never say
You patched me up and sent me on my way
I leaned on you today

on the move

2009-04-08T09:49:00.000-07:00

Sonny is now crawling. for week's now he has been trying getting the hump and crying. But this morning he did it and now he just wont stop... the word NO has come in too force a lot today.

He got from the living room to the kitchen to Blake's room and found Blake's go go's ... oh dear think this is the start.

but i am not moving stuff well if its dangerous then yeah i will move it but he will learn not to touch well i hope he will.

got to say i did have a few tears this morning about it its amazing how quick its gone . when did my baby go from being a newborn to a crawler lol... but right now he is falling asleep with a bottle of milk and looks like a little baby got to cherish every moment time is a valuable thing......

hello cupcakes

2009-04-06T13:27:00.000-07:00

i just want to make cupcakes and after only a little bit of searching i have found some amazing cupcakes... god if only i could make one's like this lady www.flickr.com:photos:65668398

Brothers

2009-04-03T02:58:00.000-07:00

After have a nice brothers pear cider like i always do i read the labels ... shampoo bottles,lotions you name it i read the label.... but this one by far was the best and it gave me a moment and only those people that have been to glasto would understand..... it said

Brothers Drinks have been a feature of Glastonbury

festival since 1995. it has taken four brothers and 14

generations of cider makes to create this uniquely

satisfying cider.

Enjoy chilled,over ice or in a muddy field.

love it

ESIOTROT~~~~~~~~~

2009-03-31T08:37:00.000-07:00

So finally after years of wanting a tortoise we have two. Blake has named his Fred but i still can't decide what to call him i have had so many people on face book giving me idea's but i still can't decide. i don't know if they are girls or boy's and won't know until they are around four years old.

there bred is marginated tortoise and they come from grease/turkey and Italy and are one of the rarest Europe. they like to climb and bury them self under there bedding.

when they get bigger there shell will flare out at the back like a skirt very cool.

at the moment they fit in too the palm of my hand they have there own personality.

they really are amazing

it's making me smile

2009-03-19T15:16:00.000-07:00

its strange how just a bit of weather can make you feel so good. every time i walk out the door i smile to my self because the sunshine make me feel happy.

it been a nice week this week and i am so happy abut Blake getting a good report at school and as i thought his maths is great. the first one on the carpet to say the sum in his head out loud every time amazes me as i am a finger counter. D'OH

he has this obsession with monopoly and i thought it would have been gone by now but he still loves it. but he is so hard to play agent's not that he cheats just that he gives you the answers about how much change you need or vise verser before you have even looked at the card its amazing his memory.

and to top it off he got a gold award on Monday for his reading then another on Tuesday for math's. very proud i must say.

Sonny has got his 6Th tooth come through poor thing he looks so sweet so little but full of teeth.

and sonny loves to dance this week it started with Stevie wonder very superstitious and has gone on from there and he goes in time its so cool.

what a move...

2009-03-11T03:39:00.000-07:00

Well we are moving and i can't wait.

But i can't believe we are doing a self build its something we have always said we wanted to do but it seems like it has come around a lot quicker then expected.

When we went to look at the land i just fell in love with it the area is beautiful and the house is amazing. It already had full planning permission for a 4 bedroom 3 story town house. And next door have already build the same house so we new what it will be like because there is two next door.

On Saturday we went to see the house next door but one so we could get a real feel of what its like the moment I walked it I fell in love with it. So much space . And i must say i am excited to have a laundry room and cloakroom ( down stairs little loo) .

The kitchen and dinning area is amazing it has huge glass floor to ceiling door's and windows and measures 21'6 by 15'8.

We have a internal garage and parking spaces for about 4 cars.

the second floor has two bedrooms one which will be sonny's room and the other will be office/craft room.

The main bathroom is on this floor plus the living room which has views out to the mundon river . This room is 21'6 by 12'8 so another great sized room.

Then on the third floor is the master room with UN suit. This room has the most amazing window and looks out to the river. Then there is Blake's room which is alot bigger then his room now he loves his room.

one of the best things about this house is having a big garden once the house is on the land it will be 120 feet long. because it was originally someones garden it has mature plants and tree's which are lovely and its only a stone's throw away from the water so its going to be beautiful in the summer. lots of gardening to do but when you have an amazing garden you want it too look nice . Blake loved running up and down the garden and is very excited even the thought of going to a new school really excites him. i think when it come nearer the time it will be different.

so the nest t=year is going to be full of hard work and commitment. but its all going to be worth it in the end. i am going to be starting my driving too so i wont be that far away only 30 Min's from where i am now.

wow i can't wait.

what a week

2009-01-27T02:05:00.000-08:00

well so far things have been pretty poop...

floyd was told on friday that he would have no work this week which is worring because the mortgage is due out the weekend so we are pretty much buggered.

and to top it off i think my push chair is broke but it up this morning put sonny in it and it collapsed. so the whole way to school i had to keep clicking it in too place. and every time i went up a curb it went completely. arrrr so annoying.

luck yeah right

feel sorry for him

2009-01-22T01:15:00.000-08:00

i was talking to dad yesterday about the fact that sonny's birthday will always fall at glastonbury time like for instance. this year his birthday is the tuesday the day everyone normally leaves to go. and when it comes round again the weekend of the 21-23 like it normally is no one will be here for his birthday.

and to be honest me taking him is just not a opsion. he is far too young and just would not be practical.

and i don't really feel like i am part of the glastonbury gang anymore. i am just not involved.

oh well it was fun whilst it lasted but it looks like the end now. not that i think anyone will be bothered if i go or not. i am just not part of it anymore.

update

2009-01-14T06:27:00.000-08:00

well i still have not blogged for ages i have just bee so busy and the thought has not crossed my mind.

i am going to start a new blog just about my diet plans i think if i blog everyday about what i am eating and exercising it will help me stay on track. everything is going on the diet blog the good days and the bad days.

had a fab Christmas it was busy but that's just what chrimbo is like.and now that Blake's birthday has come and gone i can start to think about me a little bit and what i want to do this year.

i am not setting no new years resolution or anything like that i am going to take my time and enjoying doing things i love. a no bullshit year i think. no excuses.

i do think i am too hard on myself some times and i have come to realise that things do chance when you have children. i am who i am and that's it.

woooooooo hooooooooooo

2008-11-25T09:56:00.000-08:00

god i haven't blogged in ages i have been so busy lately.

don't you love it when something just work's out and takes all the worries away well that happened to me today. so now i can relax ............ bring on christmas

how proud

2008-10-12T07:28:00.000-07:00

i can not explain how proud i am of Blake. his football has been amazing every second he is playing he is trying his best and his best is amazing. even when he is tired he carries on. i can honestly say that he was the best on the pitch by far today. and i know its true because he got man of that match. and everyone was praising him. Steve who is the Secretary said he had a lump in his throat watching Blake play. i cant stop smiling

hsMs landmark

2008-10-02T08:15:00.000-07:00

the beauty that is stone henge it rained so much my lens on my camera was wet i was wet but still managed to get some good shots

now i understand

2008-09-24T13:39:00.002-07:00

sonny is teething i think...... dribble, biting everything that goes near his mouth, whole fist in his mouth,grumpy,clingy, unsettled sleep.

i do feel sorry for him poor little monkey . but he is doing fab he is 13 weeks now and growing so fast x

hsms

2008-09-24T13:39:00.001-07:00

i am gutted its stopped boo hoo i was just getting in too it xx

hsms Row

2008-09-15T04:03:00.000-07:00

A number of people or things in a straight line. Show us a 'row' in your space today.

sps

2008-08-28T11:38:00.002-07:00

my blakey monkey he makes me smile everyday

sps

2008-08-28T11:38:00.001-07:00

my little monkey blakey he makes me smile everyday

my dress

2008-08-28T11:38:00.000-07:00

here is my dress that i brought for my sisters 30th birthday i was just so excited when i sore it ... i can not wait for it too come . i love it i love it i love it...... red shoe's red bag and curly hair i am thinking... woo hoo

monopoly

2008-08-26T02:58:00.000-07:00

last night i played the first game of monopoly with blake yo say it was funny is an understatement. he loved it. got stressed when floyd told him he had to give him £1100 for landing on his street with a hotel on. and kept calling the chance card a challenge card. we did have a good laugh.

i now have the monopoly bug i want to play it again x

2008-08-19T04:45:00.000-07:00

www.dawanda.com has the best stuff ever

sps ( day late)

2008-08-10T03:52:00.000-07:00

a day late but here is mine

hold

2008-08-06T01:44:00.000-07:00

To carry and bear weight or load. What are you holding?

blake holding floyds hand

pipe

2008-08-04T09:15:00.000-07:00

A tube of material in which to feed liquid or air. Have you got a fine set of pipes?

scrap booking

2008-08-04T03:12:00.000-07:00

since being pregnant i have not done any scrap booking. the main reason was because well i had pregnancy brain.... and was so sleepy all the time and another thing i could not get in too my studio as Sonny's furniture was in there. but since having sonny i am itching to get in there and start to be scrappy again. i have so many projects still have Florida to scrap..... and now Sonny's baby book.

but its been such a long time i think i am a bit out of the loop. whats in fashion,.... awwww i just don't know.

i have just ordered 161 photos to be printed so at the least that's a start. think i need a few classes with my sis to get back in too the flow.

sps

2008-08-02T08:31:00.000-07:00

my little man who makes me smile every day

pool fun times

2008-07-29T01:18:00.001-07:00

i must say i am loving the pool... well more so Blake is loving the pool. he spend 6 hours in it yesterday. it was freezing to get in at first but Blake didn't care. Viv even got in it yesterday.

i did get in it once Floyd had got in from work because sonny was having a moany day and i could hardly put him down. its great in there Blake can actually swim from one side to the other. its great practise xx

colic

2008-07-29T01:12:00.000-07:00

well for two nights now sonny has not had colic. and the only thing that has changed is that he was having bottle all through the day and breast through the night. which normally his night feeds are only short so he is not taking much breast. i am gutted that i have stopped breast feeding but if this is the cure for the colic then that's the best for him.

i cant believe how big he is getting he is only 5 weeks but it seems like he has been here for months and months.

: ) woo hoo for no more colic

where did they come from?

2008-07-26T06:49:00.000-07:00

sonny has square ears.....? don't know where they came from but they are so cute.

how things have been

2008-07-26T06:24:00.000-07:00

its seems to me like sonny has been here forever its strange how things really change but just fit in.

for the first week all he did was sleep,eat and poo. there were some points where i thought he slept too much and i would have to wake him for a feed. what was bad about this week was that Floyd got ill from the day we brought him home right up until the day he had to go back to work. it was bloody hard work trying to get Blake to school on time get sonny ready, sort myself out and Floyd. i really felt sorry for Floyd he missed Sonny's first week and in someways i felt sorry for myself. i should have been having a rest but instead i was doing double the work not that it was Floyd's fault but i had still not caught up on my sleep from the birth. but i got through it.

sonny is a pleasure he is so lovely and sweet he has colic at the moment which is a nightmare he is having therapy for it which i hope works. he has now had it for three weeks.

i am still breastfeeding at the moment but he is having a bottle once or twice a day it has made him more content. i really hated giving him (fake milk) at first but knew that if it helped its worth it. he seemed to like it. don't think he is too impressed with water lol.

he goes about every four hours at night time which is good.

and he has started to smile it looks so cute.

Blake has adapted well he loves his little brother. he just wants to honk his legs all the time. he has been helping me out loads he is such a good boy.

i went and got sonny weighed on Wednesday and he is 11lbs and one ounce cant believe it he is getting so big.my friend Kelly was in there her baby is 11 weeks and she weighs less then sonny lol.

its hard to write everything down because so much has been going on.

i am loving being a mum of two its great i can not imagine life any different now. i love everything about having a newborn even changing them stinky nappies is a pleasure.

my sunshine

2008-07-23T03:09:00.001-07:00

my sonny sunshine was born on the 23rd June 2008 at 4.12 am he weighed 9lb.

i was taken in too be induced at 6 o'clock on the 22ND. i was so set in my mind that things were going to be a nightmare. i could see it going just like Blake's birth did. ( i was so wrong)

they came round to induce me at around 7.45 i told the midwife that i didn't think the gel was going to work because i had it 3 time with Blake and nothing happened. she told me it would so i just relaxed and waited too see if she was right. she had put me on the monitor i started to feel tightening on one side of my belly but just thought it was the position he was laying in i think i was in a bit denial. she said it was tightening and that things will start to get going.

Me and Floyd were so sleepy we kept falling asleep. at about 10.45 i felt and heard a pop i thought that he has just made a sudden movement not even thinking my waters had broke. then about 10 minutes later the waters started coming out. i was in shock i think. i just kept saying i can't believe the gel worked my waters have actually broke.

it took about an hour for all my waters to come out but once they did the contractions started. straight away they started at about 2/3 minutes apart they were pain full but controllable . as the hours went on they got stronger and were about 1minute apart. i asked for some gas and air at this point. well my gas and air came which just made me feel drunk but took the edge of a tiny bit. i was falling asleep in between contractions how i don't know. i had some weird dreams. then the contractions switched from being bearable to unbearable in a few minutes. i had hardly seen a midwife they just popped there head round once in a while. well at this point it felt like someone was pulling my insides out. the pain was so bad that i was unable to stay still my legs were wiggling i was holding floyds hand and kept pulling it when i got a contraction. my gas and air thing was broke and was making a clonking sound every time i sucked on it which woke up the two woman next too me. at that point i really didn't care lol.

so Floyd called for the midwife and i asked for something stronger. she checked me and i was 4 cm dilated. She told me i would be going to the labour ward soon.

when she came back she said there were no beds ( nhs for you). another midwife came with a wheelchair and said they have to find me a bed. to stand up was so pain full everything around me seemed faded its weird to describe but i was in so much pain.

i could not take the gas and air with me so they wheeled me to labour ward. they rushed me in too room 9. which was not even set up properly.

they got me on the bed the midwife who delivered sonny came in. she started to check me. i asked her if i could have some pethidine but she said no because i was 10 cm and had to start pushing. i couldn't believe it it had happened so quickly.

i remember being really thirsty and asking for Walter which i didn't get to drink because sonny was so quick to come out i had no chance.

i started to push and with two pushes could feel his head coming out. i gave another couple of big pushes and his head came. the first thing Floyd said was " he has a squidgy face" then she told me to pant and push then the shoulders came out then the rest just followed. she picked him up the first thing i saw was his feet they were massive.

she put him straight on too my belly he was perfect everything about him was beautiful. she cut the cord delivered the placenta then rushed out the room. me and Floyd were left on our own with our perfect son. i kept just looking at him. his hair was dark i couldn't believe how much he reminded me of Blake.

we were left for about 30 minutes then the lady came to weigh him he was 9lb. i thought he looked smaller then Blake but no he was bigger. we put him in to his clothes and i latched him on and he started to have his first feed. that moment is always so amazing i remember it with Blake the instant bond and love you have for your baby is amazing. with Blake the song fast car by Tracy Chapman was on the radio with sonny it was bob Marley one love. i love that song and couldn't believe it was playing when i was having such a special moment with him.

so all in all i was in labour for five hours and 12 minutes, i actually pushed him out in 8 minutes.

this time round was so different from the first. with Blake it was so pain full at the end when i was pushing him out but i didn't feel the contractions because of the epidural. but with sonny the contractions where really bad but pushing him out did not really hurt. well it was so quick i don't think i had time to think about the pain.

we brought Blake up too meet his brother at about midday. i was going to be aloud home at 11 but they had to do some blood test on sonny so it was a bit later. i think Blake was a bit overwhelmed and couldn't believe it. we went home at 2 o'clock.

it is now a month since he was born and he is amazing. he is really strong and held his head up when he was one day old. it seems like he has always been here. i can not imagine life with out him. he has got colic at the mo which is a pain but all in all he is a great baby.

i have wrote so much today i will right more about him when my fingers go back to normal. lol

todays the day

2008-06-22T06:36:00.000-07:00

so i am going to be induced at 6 o'clock tonight. i can not believe that they leave you for 14 days before they try to induce you. i hope this time it works.

it is strange that it is the last day that it will be just 3 of us. and soon blakey will have a brother and we will have our second son.

i am scared but really excited at the same time.

babies room is now all done i can't believe it the other day it was bare walls now its all done, Floyd done such a great job. Blake was so helpful yesterday he is such a sweety.

so the next time i write on my blog i will have baby eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

22/06/08

2008-06-18T14:39:00.000-07:00

is the day i am being induced.

today my midwife came too see me and after attempting to do another sweep she hold me it is really highly unlikely that i am going to have baby at home because i will need to be started off. am not even one centimeter at the mo so she thinks one lot of gel should do it and i will get going. hopefully this time round the gel will work for me because it didn't with blakey boo. but we will have too see.

i still want it the same if i do have to go to hospital Blake will be the first to see him then depending on when i am going home i will make a decision on what happens. hopefully the gel will work i will go in too labour Sunday evening and be home by Monday night? ( wish full thinking) if not Tuesday.

i feel OK about going in too have him as i know its the best place for me too be as i am so over my due date. the midwife also thinks that he will be at the lower end of 8lb so that's good. but you never know?

the extension is looking amazing all the plastering is done and the underfloor heating is laid. the floor is down and the out side is now rendered . i am so happy with it my living room looks sooooooo ,much bigger its mad. i can not wait to get babies room done,

i think Blake wants to start doing dancing so i am going to have too look in too classes for him. i think street dance or break dancing would be perfect he is a right mover.

he got all upset tonight because the photo he has of me in a little frame has fell out and he was really crying so i had to put another picture in his room he is so sensitive at times. god i love him he really is sweet.

fathers day

2008-06-16T01:46:00.001-07:00

we had a really lovely day yesterday. we just chilled out with the family and had yummy food. Blake played football in the garden all day and didn't want to get up this morning because he was so tired.

it was really lovely to see people.

i am going to see my midwife this afternoon and she is going to do a sweep so hopefully that will get things going. Floyd is coming with me i really didn't fancy walking up the school straight away after people say its really uncomfy to have it done.

when i walked up the school this morning everyone just walked passed me and shock their heads they can not believe i am still pregnant. xx

and i think my son blakey boo is so clever he can read roman numerals ? he really does amaze me.

still no sign

2008-06-13T10:28:00.000-07:00

well he is still not here .... little monkey

i really thought i might of had him by now but nope just like Blake i am over due. i was due on Sunday.

i have tried everything apart from Castor oil which i think is a bit wrong really i don't want to end up getting really bad poop's and possibly baby getting a bad belly and pooping before he is out.

the midwife is going to do a sweep on Monday so hopefully that will help but you never know. if not i will have to go in too hospital and be induced which i really don't want to do after the nightmare i had with Blake.

but it might not be as bad this time as he is my second.

everything is ready to go the waiting is killing me. i have had a show now for weeks and tummy pains, strong brankston hicks but then they just go away. awwwwwwwww

i have ate a whole pineapple that did not work ( well i had more of a show after that ) think i might eat the other on tonight might as well.

and another thing that is doing my head in is the fact that have not been any were for weeks and its driving me mad. either i am too sleepy or i don't want to go too far just in case i go in too labour. the only place i have been is asda and that was over two weeks ago lol.

well Floyd has a tooth again so that is good at least the first pictures of him with baby will be nice ones. they have done a great job on it you can not even tell. well apart from when he plays around with it and it goes lower then the other and he looks all goofy.

but he looks like my lovely Floyd again so that's all good..

and last but not least

I AM GOING TO SEE STEVIE WONDER AT THE 02 ON SEPTEMBER THE 11TH I AM AT THE SIDE OF THE STAGE BLOCK 102 ROW B AND I CAN NOT BLOODY WAIT ITS GOING TO BE THE MOST AMAZING CONCERT EVER. WE CAN NOT REALLY AFFORD IT THE TICKETS COST £125 EACH SO I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE GOING TO GET THE MONEY FROM. BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ( THANKS MUM FOR GETTING THEM FOR US)

xxx

my floyd

2008-06-09T03:10:00.000-07:00

i was laying in bed last night thinking about my floydy... and i feel like i must write down how i feel about him and my life with him.

when we first got together i didn't think anything would come of it we were both young and had no responsibilities. i was the most jealous person in the whole world and Floyd was not really looking for a long term girl friend as such. his longest relationship was about 3 months. but it was strange that he put up with me.. i was a nightmare but he stuck by me and really did see me for me. then when i fell pregnant with Blake after only 4 months of us being together we were shocked because there was one accident and i fell. but we knew that everything would be OK i still was a nightmare with jealousy and hated him going out with out me. it wasn't that i thought he would do anything it was my own feelings about myself that made me like that.

but as time went on and i learned more about myself and what i wanted in life the more mine and Floyd's relationship just fell in too place. when we had Blake it changed us we grew up we took responsibility and started to enjoy the fact that this was it.

we both new that we didn't want Blake brought up in a high rise council flat in chadwell and we both knuckled down and got our self our first place which we really could not afford but we had to take the jump and it was worth it. Floyd learned that he could do anything if he tried hard which he did. he always had mad idea's about what he wanted to do but always put 100% effort in too everything he attempted even if they didn't work out in the end.

but knew he could make good money and provide for his family and that's what he has done. after people thinking that he would never amount to anything he proved everyone wrong.

with my support he knuckled down and passed all this exams and now is a electrician,plumber and gas fitter. he worked so hard to get where he is and i can't even say how proud i am off him

because there are no words that can describe it.

and as a dad he is amazing Blake is such a good well balanced little boy. and i know he is going to grow up too be just like his dad and that makes me so happy. and i know that our other little boy is going to be the same.

he is my best friend and the most amazing man i have ever met and i love him so much. he makes me proud every day. he makes me laugh so much and makes me smile. he has brought out the best in me.

and what i love so much about him is that he is one of the only people that i trust 100%. and its strange because like i said i was a nightmare and didn't trust anyone. but with Floyd its different we both have our own life but at the same time share the most amazing relationship.

i still get the butterflies and that rush of love when i give him a kiss and a cuddle. i look at him and fancy him so much. he really is my soul mate and i do thank my lucky stars that i found him and he has stuck by me. 7 and a half years we have been together and i know that we will be together forever. i can never imagine my life with out him and hope that i will never have too. i love my floydy and he makes me so proud. just like my blakey and baby. i love my family

so sleepy

2008-06-04T01:42:00.000-07:00

god the walk up the school makes me tired. its really hard to do it now but i have got to get going i really don't want to go stupidly over.

i think he had dropped a bit more now. he seems like he is really on my pelvis now which is why its hard to walk.

i just can't wait.........

think i might go and have a little sleep hehe

still waiting

2008-05-31T03:26:00.000-07:00

still waiting for bubba to come i just want him to come now its not even like i am bored of being pregnant i love it. i just want to see my baby.

i have got to say i have really had enough of everyone fussing over me its driving me mad. one minute its " oh that's a sign" or "have you got any twinges" well i am a week away from my due date so its obvious i am going to get things. i know that every one wants him here but really not as much a me. and i know that everyone is just being caring buts its driving me mad. at the end of the day i am feeling great,i am no longer stressed about the whole fight thing so i don't want to be fussed about. i just want to get through the last bit of pregnancy with out getting stressed because people are stressing me out keep bloody asking all the time. lol

i am looking forward to getting in too shape after baby is born because there is no excuse anymore i am going to lose all my weight and be a yummy mummy.

Floyd is doing the roof today so that is good.

feeling for today

2008-05-29T02:20:00.000-07:00

i feel a bit rough today... last night i felt dizzy and sicky and now this morning i have had a period like belly ache its getting on my nerves. i really hope its a sign he is coming he he. but i don't want to get my hopes up. every time i get a slight twinge i think oh could it be today? so i will just have to wait and see. i was only saying yesterday i am bored i want to go in too labour lol maybe someone has listened.

so Floyd had to have his front tooth taken out the poor thing. its made him even more mad about the whole thing. i think if it was not for me Blake and baby he would have gone and found them and sorted it. but the other person involved in it is really not happy so we will have to wait and see what happens. more things have come to light but we don't know if they are trying to blame it on someone else but we will get to the bottom off it.

the swelling on his face has really gone down and so has his lip so he is looking more like Floyd again. and its nice to be able to give him a kiss again. its not nice looking at him with no tooth but its not his fault.

i so want our baby now i just want to see what he looks like and cuddle him and smell him lol. i still have not packed my hospital bag just in case i have to go in hospital. i think i will do it tonight. i have got the midwife on Monday maybe she will be able to see if i am dilated at all. that's if he don't come before. i want him i want him i want him.

my Fifi and jay are coming round today so i can't wait too see them its been ages. Blake can't wait to see nieve he is so sweet he said " i will put my go go's away and get out Mr potato head out she will like that"

he is going to be such a good big brother.

i have said to Floyd that if he wants to buy me anything for becoming a mummy again he can get me a wii fit lol. i can not wait to get going on getting my body back.

my extension is coming on really well the doors and windows are all in and the wall in the middle is there. floyd is going to do the roof over the weekend which will mean that it is water tight them the inside can really get going. woo hoo

how i feel about it all

2008-05-27T01:23:00.000-07:00

i am trying not to stress about the whole thing but its so hard when all you get is reminders of what happened Floyd did not deserve that. all Floyd ever does is try to protect people that he loves and ends up getting glassed and kicked in the head. i am so angry at the whole thing and just want to scream but i know that i have to keep chilled because of baby. so many people have phoned,text or messaged me to ask how Floyd is and i am so great full to them.

the thing that is bothering me is everyone talking about getting them back which i do understand but i have told everyone please just leave it for now i really don't need anymore stress. i just want my baby brought in too this world in a happy environment.

but every time someone phones Floyd they ask what happened and i have to relive it all again in my head. and the fact that there was no way i could help him is horrid.

and i hate the fact that i can't even kiss my boyfriend on the lips. i hate them for doing this to him. but i am going to stop talking about it now because i can feel myself getting angry again. i am going to enjoy half term with blakey boo and think about our hunky baby coming so soon x

cornwall woo hoo

2008-05-24T05:57:00.000-07:00

so we got our confirmation for Cornwall we are going on September the 1st until the 5Th and i really can't wait. i have never been there before and can't wait to get my camera out over there he he.

the weather is so nice today but i have no garden at the mo its so messy... by next summer i will be able to use it lol

so we went and got babies push chair and the bath so i really feel ready now just waiting for him to want to come out. the thing is i am feeling really well at the moment and don't feel like i am ready to drop. which some say is a sign that you are close but now i just think he is going to be late because i feel to good. i will have to wait and see.

i have got to say that i am getting fed up with everyone asking me every five minutes if i am OK or if i am in labour.....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

or telling me that i am close to giving birth or in slow labour i think i would know by now lol. he will come when he is ready and i just want to enjoy the rest of my pregnancy with out being treated like i have something wrong with me. i know people are just worried and excited but its driving me MAD.. and Viv is annoying me by keep calling baby "my baby" its mine,Floyd and Blake's baby not hers if she wants a baby go and have one ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh lol

just starting to get agitated now he he.

xxxxxxxxxx

half term

2008-05-23T01:51:00.000-07:00

well first of all i didn't even know that Blake had today off its teacher training day lol.

so its our last half term on our own and it seems all a bit weird. i know once bub's comes along it will feel like he has been here for ever. its just a bit strange.

i want to try and spend as much time as possible just playing and being with Blake this week. i will probably just spend the whole week in just having me and Blake time.

its hard because i am so close to having baby that i can't really get out and do much with him but i think he will just be happy with chilling and spending time together.

we are going to go and get babies push chair on Sunday and take Blake to see Indiana Jones at the pictures but i think the rest of the bank holiday weekend Floyd will be doing the extension which really looks like one now it has a sort of roof and doors and windows.

its all real now

2008-05-20T10:00:00.000-07:00

so today my midwife popped in to bring my home birth pack. well there was me thinking it was going to be just some info and stuff well how wrong was i lol . its was all the medical stuff they will need like needles,caffiter, repair kit( now that is something that scared me) gloves all that stuff. so it has really made it real that in a few weeks we are actually having a baby....eeeeeeeeee

she said i should put something like a shower curtain on the bed from now really just in case my waters break.

and basically i am Ready when he is.

i have been in lots of pain the last few days i think its just the case that i am at the end of my pregnancy and its bloody hard work and he is getting heavy.

god i just can't wait to be a mummy again..... bring it on he he

ouch!

2008-05-18T02:15:00.000-07:00

i am sure my bubba is going to be about 20lb he is so heavy. my pelvis is killing..... and every time i move the bottom of my tummy hurts where he is resting on it.

he keeps sticking his butt out as well which is so cute but sometimes pain full.

i am just really looking forward to seeing him i want him out now...

so i took Blake to the fracture clinic on Friday and where the lady said he had broken his thumb was not right ( what is up with people getting things wrong) it is actually across the bottom of this thumb just above the growth plate. he said it might effect the growth in his thumb but its highly unluckily so that's good. he has got to keep the support on until his next cheek up on the 5Th of June. and the doc hold him he should try and not play football... but i just can't seem to stop him everything is football at the moment. i have told him to only kick the ball not be in goal or pick it up so hopefully he will listen to me.

Its strange with Blake you would not even know he has broke his thumb and has hardly complained at all.. but yesterday he went to dry his face on a towel that's was on the toilet seat but miss judged it and smashed his face on the toilet seat which mad his nose bleed... he freaked out i don't think it was the pain in his nose it was the sight of blood he hated he is a funny thing. Floyd is the same bones don't bother him but blood and guts do.

the extension is getting there the roof is starting to go up so that's all good. i just cant wait to have two extra rooms and have something else to decorate.

woo hoo

2008-05-13T12:37:00.000-07:00

the midwife got it wrong he is head down so all is good for our home birth. i had started to worry when i thought he was breech because of the pain in my lower belly. but i know its just were he is not floating in the waters he is now resting on my belly and pelvic bone. i am so happy and i can go back to planning my natural birth.

it was strange looking at the scan picture because he was so big and his face looked so lovely really big cheeks and a little button nose just like Blake it took my breath away at how amazingly beautiful he is and i can not wait to meet him.

yay yay yay i am so happy x x x

how things can change......

2008-05-13T04:08:00.000-07:00

first of all Blake has broke his thumb playing football at school he is OK and you wouldn't even know he has done it.

he still wanted to play football on Saturday but we talked him out of it. i have got to take him to the fracture clinic on Friday but i don't think there is much more they can for it. he is a brave little monkey.

and second thing is baby is still breech ......?

so i am off to have a scan today to see what is happening. my midwife did not say anything about trying to turn him or see if he will turn by him self she just said that i will have the scan if he is still breech then they will do a c-section at about 37/38 weeks. so my hunky monkey might be here a little bit sooner then we thought. i am feeling OK about it its just changed my plans a bit but at the end of the day as long as bub's and me are OK that's all that matters.

i have Lot's of people around me to help so i know things are going to be OK.

we sorted out the baby stuff yesterday and he has more clothes then the whole of mother care lol. well at least i wont have to worry about loads of washing straight away.

i just can't wait to see him now and to hold him and smell him.. and look at the tiny little toes .... eeeeeeee i am having a baby and i can't bloody wait.

feeling good

2008-05-06T12:31:00.000-07:00

hopefully everything is sorted now and i don't even know what happened? but it seems that things are back to normal and that's all that matters now.

went to mums today and we had a right laugh with the Sims now i know what they are doing when they want to woohoo!!!!!!!!! and now they want to woohoo in public lol. but the lady Sim kissed someone else and the man slapped her round the face and started crying lol. god i miss playing the Sims.

Blake's reading seems to be coming on in leaps and bounds and i am so proud and his math's is fab. he really is working hard at school.

and the extension is actually looking like one now it has walls!!!!!!!!!!! i can actually see the size of it now so i can really start to place furniture (in my head)

i am collecting for a charity for a little girl called holly she is five and has cancer her mum is a single mum of three and can't work because she has to look after holly. so i am going to have to take this lovely little cuddly dog with me every wear so people can try and guess what its name is its only a pound a go and i have got to get 30 try's. hopefully everyone will help and help poor little holly.

and another thing we are going on the sun (paper) holiday break thing... £15 per person and hopefully we will get in and be off to Cornwall in august . its only a four day break but i have never been to Cornwall and really can't wait to go. baby will only be 8 weeks but i am not too worried about that. it will be a really nice break after being pregnant and all the work on the extension. and i think i will get good use of my camera over them few days he he.

xxxx

2008-05-05T02:18:00.000-07:00

Floyd had a really lovely birthday me and Blake got him his private number plate which Say's floydez it looks fab on the truck. and we got him PES 2008 for the wii and we got him a massage which he loved. we just spend the evening having an Indian and chilling out.

Then on Friday we went to the outback steak house. the food there is lovely and the company was great we did have a laugh. a few people let us down too go which is a shame but i didn't expect anything different to be honest?

Its strange sometimes when you go to a boot sale and find nothing? but Sunday we did really well first off was a lady selling loads of boys baby clothes that were fab. gap,next rosha Jon rosha so we brought a few bits from her. Then we got a bed set,rug,lamp and life ring pillow all in nautical theme for babies room for £8.00. so pleased with that.

and we were keeping our eye out for a rocking mosses basket stand and we got a fab one with mosses basket and sheets and stuff for £10. so all in all we did really well.

Nigel brought Blake a guitar lol its far to big for him but he loves it.

so i am off to have a fun day with my blakey boo we are going to make muffins and i am going to start doing some off my photography course.

making a turn

2008-04-29T01:04:00.000-07:00

i think baby might be turning... this last week all i have wanted to do is wee, but i sit on the toilet and its a drip lol. which is a sign that he is pressing on my bladder. and my pelvis and hips have been hurting. i had to ask Jo to take Blake into school for me today as i can hardly walk.

i mean i have had a really busy weekend...

Saturday. Blake's football, went up to London and watched west ham and Newcastle then had Nathans. then went to ikea and got some of the bedroom furniture ( which is lovely).

Sunday. went to the boot sale with Floyd,Blake and dad, then make furniture with Floyd then went to Andrea's for a family get together ( which was soooo funny)

Monday.. doing all my house work and sorting all my clothes out, then helping Floyd sort the furniture out. and getting bits up the town which seems to make me want to go to sleep.

so yeah i am sleepy today.

no bunny come back yet think he is enjoying his freedom. Blake is really missing him. i am trying not to talk about it as he gets upset.

we have said that we will get him something else maybe a guinepig or another bunny. but i think we will wait until the extension is done then Floyd is going to make a big cage. so they can run free he he.

and its floyd's birthday tomorrow so hopefully he can have the day off and we can do something. x

run away bunny

2008-04-27T05:25:00.000-07:00

Blake's bunny has run away.......... don't know when he went but he has gone? i thin it must of been last night because i looked out this morning and he was not in the side where you can see through so i thought he must be in the bedroom bit. then we went to the boot sale came back and i still could not see him went to check and he had gone.... must have got through the gap at the top of the door. didn't help that dad was hear and said to Blake their is probably a fox licking its lip's somewhere.... he is such a dick head sometimes. i have told Blake he has gone to find a girlfriend. what a nightmare.

size 0

2008-04-25T12:48:00.000-07:00

i am loving baby's new lonsdale pumps they are so small... every time someone comes round Blake shows them off... i just can't wait to see him in them with his little black skinny jeans he he

splash!!!!!!

2008-04-24T03:11:00.000-07:00

went and watched blake do his first school swimming lesson today..... he did really well.

it was strange watching him but not being involved. but i think when baby come's i will take both of them swimming once a week hopefully floyd can do it too maybe on a saturday morning. i want to get baby swimming as soon as really. i should have done it with blake but just didn't.

i think i have just got floyd the best birthday card lol it really made me laugh. it goes well with what happened on sunday hehe.

also got him a pressie too so hope he enjoy's it..

its just started really raining.... so pleased i got in when i did?

got to go and print of the first 10 pages of my photography modules ... printer ran out of ink ?

oh and another thing

2008-04-23T03:07:00.000-07:00

i have a strange love ...... the smell of dust..? or wet washing. and the floor steamer smells lovely lol. i did the same with blake its so hard to explain and might sound like i am a freak but i can't help it. its a good job they are building the extension its fab... loads of brick dust. god i sound strange.

glastonbury 2008

2008-04-23T02:47:00.000-07:00

Its strange this year that i am not going but at the end of the day my baby is the most important thing at the moment. i am actually not that bothered that i can not go. its not just because the line up is crap or anything like that because glastonbury is what it is with or without the line up.. its amazing.

it might sound like i am being selfish or silly but i do feel like the convo at the mo is all about glastonbury and thats it.. and not very offen is the fact that baby will be here before glasto. it seems like that is the focus. it might just be me i might just be thinking that. it seems like i am always talking about baby but no one else is asking how he is or how i am. i always start the convo.

i am sure when it comes to the time when he is here people will acted like they are bothered... well i hope? (feeling sorry for myself lol)

i think baby is tryng to turn the movements are so sharp and uncomfy at the mo... and he really has a sleep pattern. i know when he is going to wake up and when he is most active. he likes to move around when i am eating my dinner.. and wakes up when he hears my voice when i first wake up in the morning.. i love that.

i just can't wait for him to be here... not long now 49 day's he he

course

2008-04-23T02:39:00.000-07:00

signed up for my course and got my first module... just wish my printer would print it... stupid thing. it seems fab i am really looking forward to starting it. the first module is cameras and lenses... for once in my life i will actually be doing something for me and i will have a dipolma in photography. and i will be able to take lovely photo's of my boy's.

?

2008-04-21T11:46:00.000-07:00

right just looking at my options about what course to do...... there is either thurrock tech... which is good because it is in the college and it would be good to be with other people but looking at the btec course its a bit too basic for example you don't even need a camera at first? you have too do a year on that course before you can go on to the next one which is also a year. or there is an on line course that looks soooo good it had 12 models which take about 24 weeks or up too a year depending on how long you take to do it. the one a thurrock tech is about £250 altogether or the on line one is £550 which i would have a degree at the end of it and it seems to me that it teaches more. thinking about it i would have to do the next year at thurrock tech which would cost the same again ..... what to do i think the on line course would be better but its having time when bubba comes?

oh i think i will talk to Floyd and figure it out what ever way i can't bloody wait wooooooo hooooooo. he said i could do it now whilst we have the money so hopefully if i do it i can get a good start before bub's comes.

right going to do my shopping and watch eastenders

so perfect

2008-04-18T08:20:00.000-07:00

how can one photo show so much.. he loves his brother so much and i think this photo reflects that. one shot and it came out perfect just like my boys

yuck

2008-04-14T11:39:00.000-07:00

well i feel poop today i have what floyd has had all week. yuck

so baby is breech at the moment hopefully he will turn so i can give birth at home. i think he will turn. i have been looking on a few websites about different things i can do to help him turn.

can't believe there is only 1 game left boo hoo. i am going to miss my sunday mornings watching the boys. have lots to sort out about the new kit and the end of season do. have some good ideas about really making it a laugh at the do so it should be fun.

......

sleepy

2008-04-11T11:05:00.001-07:00

i can't believe how sleepy i feel today zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

and i have been so uncomfortable for the last few days.. i have been tossing and turning at night as soon as i get comfy baby moves and then i get uncomfy ..... can't win lol.

and i just feel like putting on joggy bottoms and a jumper and being cozy... but i won't because i don't want to look like a a tilbury pregnant woman..he he

me floyd and blake are going to watch the west ham and newcastle game on the 26th of april i don't know how i am going to get through the turn mill? oh well i am sure they have a fat persons one.... well i hope

i am gutted that it is nearly the end of the season for our boys (crosskeys) what am i going to do with my sunday mornings? ooooo nearly bootsale season thats good.

i am still thinking.....

2008-04-08T01:58:00.000-07:00

that i was right ... you have not bothered at all so i will go along with what i said and you won't be told when he arrives because all that will happen is you will act like you have always been there ... which you haven't.

you will not have that privilege and you don't diserve it... shame really but you made that choice.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

So i brought baby's monitor yesterday which should come in the next 10 days..... and i got 25% off for having a promo code from a mag... its so worth looking around and not rushing it saves you so much money.

still a bit worried about the whole pushchair thing as its getting closer now...

we wont get the furtinture untill his room is done.

still going to write a list today of everything that we need to get so i can just get it over the next 9 weeks...... eeeeeeeee i love buying all this baby stuff.

he still needs more clothes but we are getting there.

its all coming along

2008-04-05T01:13:00.000-07:00

so the extension now has .... footing and is filled with concrete woo hoo. brick work should start next week so its getting there.

i think the next 9 weeks of my pregnancy will go super quick so much going on with the house and so much still to get.

me and Blake walk up the town on Thursday and by the time i got back i was so sleepy and my back was killing... it was then that i thought i am actually really big and pregnant now and i should rest when i am out. its gone so quick that its a bit of a shock the fact that we will have our little bubba in roughly 9 weeks. i really can't wait eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

popping to lakeside today to get Blakey some jeans and other trousers he has hardly anything that fit's he is growing soooo much. got to go to ikea as well.

i have really enjoyed the sunshine over the few days i hate it that it is going to get cold again its just silly.

like yesterday afternoon whist Floyd was waiting for the concrete to come him Blake and kyle where playing football out the front. i was just sitting in the sunshine watching its was lovely.... i really could have done with a nice cold beer at that moment... got to wait for ages until i can have one. oh well.

oh and another thing Blake's glasses fell out if my bag and dad trod on them D'OH....... now Blake has another week without glasses... at least he is not at school.

creepy castle

2008-04-01T02:28:00.000-07:00

well i cleaned out bowser yesterday and have decided that his cage is too small for him.... so i brought a new rotastak one its soooo good and i got it for a great price on ebay..... saved about £25.

so here it is creepy castle......

its sooooooo cool and it glows in the dark.

looking to the future

2008-04-01T00:55:00.000-07:00

could i really go and leave everything behind.... yes i think i could, our life is good here and i love england but the more we talk about it the more i think it would be perfect.

we are not going to rush anything we must look in too it and think what side of the world do we want to go... aus i think would be the best place and they would snap floyd up... or america which is just amazing. i am really going to start looking in too it. and if we are going to do it we want to do it before baby will go to school.. blake would be fine he is such a happy little monkey and makes friends so easily. i will miss friends and family but we can't all be held back.

haven't made up our mind yet but will look in too it..

well today i have got the building inspector coming today to look at the footings and the people are coming to get the mud that is nearly as big as the house... and we have had such a result with the brick work.... its getting done for free so deans son can practice... its saved us soooo much money. can't wait for the walls to go up so i can start planning when things are going to go...eeeeeeeeeeee baby will have a room and we will have a dinning room yay.

off to get dressed so i am not in my dressing gown when the building people come x

just to update.......

2008-03-31T04:50:00.000-07:00

blah blah bloody blah .... really bored now

want to rant........

2008-03-31T02:22:00.000-07:00

can't believe i am now 30 weeks pregnant... only 10 weeks to go woo hoo.

how i feel right now......

well lots of people are bugging the hell out of me .. don't really know what they have done but they are getting on my nerves.... and i feel like i just want to be left alone and not annoyed.

still wish things were different with a certain person but after all this time i think i have come to realise that things will never change and you will always think you are better then me for some reason... strange isn't it?

i am happy that blake is off school for two weeks its nice just to chill with him and we have some good plans for the next two weeks. mostly just me and him spending time together.

feeling really pregnant now can't bend over anymore feels like i have something stuck under my ribs ...lol.

still peed off over recent events and the way you think of me?

and i am sick to death of people telling me what we should call OUR baby ..... its our baby and he will have a name that we will choose when he is born. and stop calling him a name already because he has not got one...aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

..........................

and before any of you start saying what's the matter with ruth is she down ..... why is she pissed off..... i am perfectly happy and well and couldn't ask for anything more at the moment just feel like a little rant to let off stem....

what i see and feel is amazing

2008-03-19T03:40:00.000-07:00

as i laid looking at you a wave of excitement,love,protection and pride came over me

you are so perfect in every way.

as your little fingers moved i now know what you are doing when i feel little scratches in my belly.

your face is just like your big brothers lovely rounded cheeks and a perfect little grin and a cheeky one at that.

how can someone so small be so perfect?

i looked at you in a way that i will never forget, sitting with my two other boys watching you move your little body i know you are going to be that added bit of sparkle in our life.

i am counting down the days until i see you and can't wait for you too meet your brother.

he loves you so much. you are everything to him and he is so protective of you and you are not even here yet.

i want to wrap you up in my arms forever and never let go. my perfect little boy who is going to be as perfect as his brother. what a family what a life.

you have completed us.

The clock ticks life away

2008-03-19T03:37:00.000-07:00

"In The End"

(It starts with)
One thing / I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Didn’t look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on / but didn’t even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
One thing / I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I’m surprised it got so (far)
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
In the end
You kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

these lyrics tell a story and how i relate to this is so true.....

time is a valuable thing....

2008-03-15T14:18:00.000-07:00

Today me and floyd had a look in the loft for baby stuff just too see what we have and what we have got to get.

looking at some of the clothes that blake wore and it brought it all back to me... he is actually six now and he was once a baby lol. and looking at photo's of him when he was having his first ever feed i can't actually believe it is blake.....

And getting some lovely clothes from next ( thanks mum) really brought it home we really have got another baby on the way and in 12 weeks he will be here.

i think my scan tomorrow will really make it real..... to know what he is doing in there is going to be the most amazing thing. ooooow i feel happy

and i am so happy that westham one today and i was so right about freddy sears... i said put him on give him a go what have you got to lose..... and look he comes on and scores to win the game. i think i should be manager lol.

next week i have got to go in my studio and sort bits out that i don't use and give them too the school for the year one projects they will be doing.. and i am helping them do them. making houses in fairy tale stories should be fun... can't wait to get covered in glitter he he.

2008-03-11T09:18:00.000-07:00

Well for the last two days i have had such a bad headache its been driving me mad.. been in bed most of the time. watched some poop telly and i must say i hate that stupid woolite adverts ahhhhhh sort the voice overs out and make it actually look like the fabric is ripping....

and if you have a problem with me or what i have done please tell me i can't read your mind and things don't just go away because you ignore them.

i made a mistake i am sorry but aparently there is friction between us....??? if there is then just bloody tell me can't be bothered to be playing guessing games.

sunday was one of the funniest days i have had in a long time first of all the boys one 9-1 to win the league then we had such a laugh down the pub. karaoke .... russell & stevie singing barbie girl.... elmo's new name "helmet" , blake and russell singing teletubbies (well russell singing it and blake dancing) and then blake singing ' the scum song'. some things merv said were just classics. andy actually talking lol and getting really pissed and telling me he once peed in his mum's new computer tower.lol what a fun day we all had.

so have my 4d scan on sunday and i can't wait i am so nosey i can't wait to see what he is doing in there... nearly 28 weeks i can't believe it ......eeeeeeeeee

how things change...

2008-02-27T01:24:00.000-08:00

i have come to realise that i have really grown up.... after Saturday night at the reunion it really did become clear. some people still have the mental age of a 15 year old and that i really haven't.

taking the piss out of people for doing what they do is just imarture and stupid. everyone has there own life and there own way of living. i have so much respect for people that can stand up in front of people who were so horrid to them at school and sing there hearts out... good on you for being you and not letting anyone bring you down. these are the people that will do well in life the people that can let the past be the past and move on. xx

on another note....... i was lying in bed last night and was thinking about the fact that i actually have a small human growing inside my belly. i know that sounds strange because its obvious i am pregnant but it really is amazing how he got there and how my body has changed for him. and that in 14 weeks and 4 days he might be here. and like i said to blake last night my best thing in the world is being a mummy to him and his little brother and it makes me smile everyday. i love my life and i would never what to change a single thing about it.

for once i am 100% happy and that coming from me is amazing.

well i am off to mums today to chill out and chat... and eat yummy food he he

yukky

2008-02-21T02:20:00.000-08:00

i feel yukky today... my throat is hurting and my pelvis is hurting too. my bump is getting bigger and bigger and i love it...

i m going to my school reunion on saturday which should be good.. still don't know what to wear but hey ho i am sure i will find something.

lucy is coming round straight from work so we can get ready.

i will be 25 weeks on sunday and i can't believe it its going so fast won't be long and he will be here he he.

i still feel like i need to go and get baby bits which i have not done yet. and i just want babies room done so i can go and fold and re fold clothes.. i love being pregnant x x

my blakey

2008-02-13T02:08:00.001-08:00

lost his second tooth on monday night and swollowed it lol.... all day we had been trying to get it to come out and then at dinner time it does and it goes in his belly... he still got his money from the tooth fairy as she will get it when it comes out the other end he he.

we also have a new member of the family bowser the Gerbil. He is so lovely. they really do make great pets they are clean, friendly live for about 5 years and can be tamed. got to get him some sand as they like to clean them self in it.

i have never owned a gerbil before but they seems such good pets and another good thing they are more active in the day then at night... no silly chewing and going around a wheel for 4 hours in the night like hampsters.

last night floyd felt baby do one of those huge kicks he does he was shock at how strong he is, i love him kicking and moving around it really is amazing...

baby blue

2008-02-11T13:05:00.000-08:00

i am so happy we are having another boy, blake is such a pleasure and i know that this bubba is going to be has lovely as blakey.

i have had a few people ask me if i am disapointed that i am not having a girl and asking if i am going to try for a girl...... to be honest i have not taken these comments lightly i am so happy that i have a healthy lively little boy who is going to be an added star to my family. i really didn't mind either way as long as babes was all ok thats all that mattered.

i just want to go out and a buy baby stuff i am really nesting. but i have know where to put anything. i am loving being pregnant my bump is just amazing its huge he he....

on another note i am really disapointed at the lack of interest that a certain person has had...... are you bothered are you happy for us .... i really don't know anymore. i would love to be able to share such a happy moment in my life with you but your lack of interest is bothering me.

..........

baby

2008-01-21T06:14:00.001-08:00

went and mett with my midwife today. all is good my blood pressure is fine and baby has a really good strong heart beat 160bpm. some say that if the heart beat is over 140 then its a girl?
but i think that that is just old wives tales. well we will find out next week woo hoo can't wait.

it so dull outside i just want to curl up with a hot chocolate and watch dirty dancing?
feeling really good at the mo still sleepy but good. can't wait for baby to be here 20 weeks to go and counting lol.

time is flying

2008-01-18T12:48:00.000-08:00

well christmas was amazing, me and dad did a great christmas dinner it was so good that i think i want to cook it again next year.. and it will be babies first christmas he he.
so we did christmas day,boxing day and new year so i am still catching up on sleep it seems.

blakes wii is soooooo good he loves it and so do we.......

and baby is getting big now i am 20 weeks this weekend and it has flied by. really been kicking and moving loads. the first kick was on christmas day which was a lovely christmas pressie. really don't know if i am having a girl or boy.... first i thought girl now i just don't know. scan on the 30th so i will know then i hope.
Feeling good and happy at the mo. had a fab day with my sis today its nice to be sisters and best friends too x she is just a older version of me and i think thats why we get on so well... love her so much it might sound yucky to some. but iam happy and proud to say she is my sister and that i love her x x

only a few days to go

2007-12-20T01:25:00.000-08:00

so its only a few days to go woo hoo i can't wait... but i still have loads of stuff to buy and do... but i am sure i will get it done.
blake is now finished school for the cristmas holiday and i love it that he is home we are going to make snowman cakes on sunday or monday.
he is not feeling to well today but i am sure he will get over it when we get to my mum's.
so nearly 16 weeks pregnant now and baby is still dancing around like a nutter. but still seems to move more when floyd is close. floyd is loving that.. feeling less tired now so thats good. woooooooooooooooooooooooooooo its christmas sooooooooon

lakeside shopping what a nightmare

2007-12-12T01:46:00.000-08:00

me and mum went crimbo shopping yesterday. finished floyds presents off so thats all good. spent a bit too much but hey ho its christmas. i think he will love his pressies. got elli woo a wicked pressie too i love it and want one he he.
going to blakes play today can't wait he is really looking forward to it.
think i will wrap up floyd's pressie today so he can't peck at them,.
i still have roses in the garden and they are frozen.........

sleepy from the weekend

2007-12-10T02:04:00.000-08:00

this weekend seemed to fly by. and i am still tired from watching boxing on saturday night.
blake had a birthday party to go to on saturday so me and dad drove up to southend to take him. it was at the sealife centre he loved it.
went and watched the boyz on sunday they really played well this week not that they normally they are great.
me blake and floyd went and got our christmas tree yesterday its so lovely and smells so christmasy i luv it. Me and bubba blake are going to decorate it when he get's in from school.

feeling bloody cold today its horrid......

2007-12-07T02:30:00.000-08:00

oh and another thing i am making my cranberry sauce for crimbo today woohoo

poorly

2007-12-07T02:25:00.000-08:00

poor blakey he is off school today it started with just a headache then went on to be full scale sick everywere.. so bad i had to get viv to give me a hand.
he seems a bit better now so pleased i didn't sent him to school. x

went lakeside last night.. its so crap over there all clothes shop's poo poo poo i say.
got some more idea's for floyd so thats good. can't wait for crimbo woo hoo

sleepy

2007-12-06T03:18:00.000-08:00

god i am sleepy today think i will have some lunch then go and have a nap.... sounds good to me
i am so excited about christmas.....eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
ordered blakey some more stuff yesterday and got viv and nig there main pressent so all coming together now.
told the milkman this morning that i need him to deliver a pint of milk a day as i just can't stop drinking it.
its nearly christmas wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

going to really get this going

2007-12-05T04:50:00.000-08:00

for weeks now i have been saying that i need to blog my pregnancy... but with everything that is going on its one of those things you say i will do in a minute...

so here i am blogging it!

well i am now 13 weeks in too my pregnancy and still feeling tired.. hopefully with christmas round the corner i will get this energy burst.

baby is a wiggly thing i am amazed that i can feel him/her move so early but i love it. its mainly when i am relaxed or when floyd talks to my belly... which is lovely. i am still thinking a girl at the mo. but i dont mind either way.

Blake has been amazing lately he really is a blessing. being helpfull and loving. he really is a good boy. he has his first wobbly tooth and was so happy to discover it.

on the way too school he said to me "i have a wobbly tooth and a baby i am a lucky boy"

and he told me that he is not going to play with his toys on christmas day he is going to help me cook dinner..... lol how sweet i that